Childhood Memoirs: Does It Matter

so every now and again, i find myself in a super snippy place with the kids. where all of my little annoyances towards them build up, and i start just being grouchy and hard on them. that was what my yesterday looked like.

this morning neither jon nor i could sleep (NOT normal), and for some reason at 5 am we both decided to pull the trigger and get up and read our bibles. i was reading a passage in mark 9, i think, where it said Jesus picked up a child "in His arms." i was trying to picture that and was really struck that that was the first time i'd noticed or thought about Jesus picking up a little kid. i do that with my kids all the time, and here's Jesus, 30 year old single man, picking up a kid in His arms.

i started thinking about Jesus loving on children and how i wasn't loving mine very well yesterday and what was really annoying me in each of the boys so i listed it out:

jack - constantly making noises, so particular, kinda bossy, never stops talking
finn - stomps when he's mad, cries at the drop of a hat, horrid table manners, whiny
rowan - 2

does it really matter? i wrote across the top of the page. do those annoying (to me) little things in them really matter. do i need to be on a full mission to eradicate them from their lives and be harsh in the process?

i think the bottom line of all of the things on the list are lack of self-control in the boys. you know what? self control is a fruit of the spirit. i need to help the boys with these things, but they are areas they will grow in as they mature. they're IN PROCESS! why is that so hard to remember?

i think the biggest realization was that they bother ME. they embarrass ME. ultimately, I am the issue more than they are.

i say all the time to the boys, "know how much mommy loves you? well, can you believe that Jesus loves you even more than that? that's a whole lotta love."

it's a good thing. because as much as i love them. it's so unperfect. i'm so thankful that someone else loves them perfectly.

the bottom line for me in thinking this all through, is that i need to persevere with patience. not give up and let them continue on in their "issues", but show them tons of grace in them. and get over myself. and chill out.

and love them.